Throwing Poo

I think it's time for a name change.  Like Prince (minus the talent, sexuality and height), I feel the need to reinvent myself.  Or invent myself.  Or get so wrapped up in constant change that I don't have time to confront the fact that I have no idea who I am.  Whatever.  Fuck you.
 
The point is this: I Like Monkeys was originally a nickname for the Nerdy Squirrel.  It started as something I would say to her whenever she said something obvious or pedestrian (which, being the very verbal creature she is, happens A LOT).  For example, if she innocently said in passing conversation, "I like this pizza," I'd mock her in my best retarded-sounding voice by saying, "I like monkeys."   Yes, I can be a total dick and it probably sucks living with me, except for the fact that I fix shit and not only know how to turn on the vacuum, but am not afraid to use it.
 
Anyway, "I like monkeys" turned into a running joke between us whenever one of us did something obvious or stupid.  I even made her a (totally crappy iron-on) t-shirt with the phrase on it.   So ILM has always had a borrowed feeling to it.  It isn't a name, as much as a process for us to cope with each other's stupidity without resorting to hand puppets or blunt trauma.
 
Plus, I like nicknames.  As a redheaded kid in a neighborhood full of evil little bastards, I was never given a cool nickname.  It was always something like "Howdy Doody," "Ralph Mouth," "Danny Partridge," or "Hey you, ugly kid with the flaming red hair. Yeah, you." 
 
Fortunately the Internet is the one place where you can get away with giving yourself a nickname without appearing like a self-absorbed douche bag.  That is unless, of course, you write about changing your nickname as if people could remotely give a shit. (In my defense, Puff Daddy had a complete media campaign surrounding his name change to P. Diddy, including a national press conference and a round on the talk-show circuit.  Of course, he's a famous rapper and I'm a shut-in with DSL, but still.)
 
So, given my post last week, I have decided to change my screen name to Crunchy Blue Commando.  Now all I have to do is find my superpower and design a costume and I can finally teach those little bastards a lesson.
 
 
P.S. Is someone who goes out of his way to walk on a moving walkway that is broken (i.e. not actually moving) just a little retarded or am I way too literal?