Throwing Poo

First, let’s dispense all ubiquitous licking, smelling and dragging of delicate regions.  No surprises here.  I read the package before I made my purchase.

Second, I have searched my mind and cannot pinpoint any influence or positive reinforcement on my part that may have led to these behaviors.  I have had both cats and dogs before and these were not issues.  Therefore, despite any disturbing image the following might create in your mind, I cannot be held responsible (except, of course, for the writing of it, but don’t shoot the messenger). 

The T.I.B.T.D.N.E.W.I.C.T.B.T.R.A.O.S.A.E.I.M.M.C.s are as follows:

1.  Jumping up onto my lap when I am using the bathroom (and no, I do not sit down to pee.  Not since that incident in college.  I’ve put it behind me, so why can’t everyone else?).  This is extremely awkward and, I think, possibly inhumane.  His persistence overwhelms my reluctance, but there would be no explaining it if a Lethal Weapon II situation were to develop. 

2.  Aimlessly loitering in the empty bathtub at all hours of the night and scaring the shit out of me when I get up to pee (again, standing).

3.  Crying outside the bedroom when my wife and I are having sex.  Is he missing what he once had in his pre-neutered existence?  Does he think I’m hurting her (Who’s your daddy!)?  Or is he a just a furry little cock-blocker? 

Of course, he does make up for these behaviors by always greeting me at the door, being a tranquil television companion and beating the shit out of George (our other cat) on a regular basis.  Still, I suppose it’s a good thing he is an indoor cat now.  I’d hate for him to be hanging out with his buddies and innocently mention something only to be cruelly ridiculed.  That’s the kind of stuff that sticks with you.