Daily Splatter: Ice Cream For Help
It's become clear that I've been working too hard lately.
Maybe I should've recognized the anger seething through my posts last week as the first clue, but I don't read this piece of crap, either. Maybe my random outbursts and general dickheadedness around the house should have tipped me off, but (sigh) apparently that type of behavior is not as unusual as I would like to think. Maybe the fact that I was constantly tired yet unable to get a good night's sleep (see GBU posted on 5-5-06) should've flipped on a bulb.
Nope.
I finally figured it out on Sunday when Nerdy Squirrel and I went to get an ice cream cone. Here's what ran through my mind upon being handed my single-dip cone (mint chocolate chip):
An immediate rush of both anxiety and pressure filled my mind. First, I wondered if my ice cream steward adequately pressed the ice cream deep enough into the cone to prevent toppling (and tears), so I immediately gave an additional tongue press. Second, I felt an urgent need to quickly eat all the loosely attached ice cream that is built up around the top of the sugar cone as a result of the compression process - I'd call it the foreskin, but that is just way too gay given all the licking going on - so it wouldn't fall off (again, tears). In case I was unsuccessful in either action, I snatched enough napkins to soak up a small pond and stuffed them into my front pocket ("Expecting a big mess, or are you just happy to see me?").
Next, I rapidly began working on the dip to reduce and ultimately eliminate the overhang of ice cream above cone. Dripping is unacceptable. It is my firm belief that allowing an ice cream cone to drip on your hand constitutes a complete and utter failure as an adult. This is something that only little kids do, like getting the hiccups or laying on the floor in public places.
Once I successfully achieved ice cream/cone parity, I then began to closely monitor the bottom of the sugar cone for any leaks. Again, dripping ice cream is unacceptable in any form (and not so sexy). Only when I had eaten the ice cream flush to the cone was I able to feel relaxed about my frozen treat and begin to enjoy it, but the damage was done.
I need a fucking vacation. In the meantime, I'll be taking my ice cream in a cup.
