News To Me: Fair and Unbalanced
In Dateline's recurring "Predator" segment, the show's producers infiltrate Internet chat rooms posing as promiscuous teenagers (as opposed to the other kind of teenagers) and fish for U.S. Congressmen, clergy, or any other fat, balding, middle-aged white men who have the ability to burst into rivers of sweat on camera. The producers arrange meetings with the unsuspecting sickos by promising kinky sex - everything from blow jobs, to rusty trombones, to donkey punches, to something else that I've never heard of before but sounded really funny but I forgot what it was called. When the target predator arrives, a Dateline reporter confronts the probable-but-let's-just-go-ahead-and-publicly-convict-them-right-now pedophile, and the viewing fun begins.
Dateline has taken some criticism for its show's vigilante nature and entrapment tactics. One producer defended the program.
"We are providing a public service and doing so without affecting our journalistic integrity," the producer said. "It is no different that any other kind of objective, investigative reporting. Besides, you know these filthy perverts are guilty as hell."
Asked about the trickery employed, the producer responded, "I don't think of it as lying. I mean, in the end, these guys are still getting fucked. Get it?"
Critics aside, the viewing audience has eaten up the show's segment, prompting the move by Fox to dedicate an entire show to the activity. In order to differentiate its new show, Fox is focusing on an overlooked segment of the pedophile community."We wanted the pedophiles on our show to have a fighting chance," said Brian Nest, Executive Producer of "Predator, Too." In order to accomplish this, the Fox show is targeting bloodthirsty, trophy-hunting aliens with its sting operations.
"Remember that show 'Cheaters' where the host would bust someone in the act of infidelity?" asked Nest. "During one episode, the host actually got stabbed by some lunatic who was pissed off about being confronted on camera. That's not only good television, it's also fair and balanced." Nest hopes to reproduce that kind of atmosphere with "Predator, Too" every week.
Fox is betting heavily on the show. Despite it's reality, the expenses are still extremely high. Fox had to launch a satellite to broadcast its suggestions of illicit teenage sex into outer space as opposed to just setting up a MySpace account. The health insurance costs have skyrocketed due to injuries. Tubs of a special mud from South America also have to be air shipped in every week and smeared on the site crew in order to prevent infrared detection.
Although the new show has yet to be aired, Fox was willing to show us some clips from the upcoming episodes.
In one arranged meeting, a naive alien arrives without his hunting helmet. Pointing to the screen, Nest narrated. "Look at this one. He doesn't even have the common sense to use his standard issue, light-refracting invisibility device to hide his identity."
Nest laughed, "Now, watch this!"
As the alien entered the house, a mud-covered reporter jumped out from behind a chair and stuck a microphone into the shocked alien's retracting jaws. After a few stunned moments (including what the alien described as an "accidental misfiring" of his shoulder rocket which destroyed the kitchen), the alien began denying his intentions.
"I was just trying to collect a couple of adolescent skulls to use as bookends in my trophy case," it insisted.
As the reporter persisted, the alien grew more and more alarmed. "I never intended to have sex with them," the alien pleaded. "For God's sake, look at my genitalia! It's not physically possible!"
In another confrontation, a startled alien fell back onto a sharpened stick that pierced its midsection, causing a putrid, fluorescent green liquid to spew out onto the ottoman. It then proceeded to tap its wristband control panel starting a devastating self-destruct sequence.
"We are hoping for more original responses than this one." Nest explained. "The Punji sticks in the living room were probably a mistake on our part, but every show has to work out the kinks." Looking back to the screen, he continued, "Maybe we'll use this segment for the season finale."