News To Me: Letter To President Bush from Kim Jong Il
The following letter was received yesterday at the White House from Kim Jong Il, leader of North Korea only days after a letter was received from Mahmood Ahmadinejad. The original letter was written in Korean has been was translated here.
Mr. George Bush
President of the United States of America,
For some time now I have been wondering why you have been avoiding me. Despite my best efforts to get your attention, you have continued to ignore me as if I don't exist. Well, now I know why, you ASS!!! I bet you thought you were really clever, you and your Iranian slut!
By now everyone has probably seen a copy of the letter from Mahmood to you. DON"T EVEN TRY TO DENY IT! Here I was telling people that we had something serious going on between us, and you're go off chasing someone else. Thanks for making me feel about feet two feet, six and a half inches tall!
Have you forgotten about the weekend we spent together in Japan? I risked getting expelled in order to sneak away from the Summit to see you. But did you care? No! All you wanted to do was get your hands on my secret parts. Mr. Grabby, always interested in "your needs" and caring nothing for mine. Always trying to get me to be in your perverted menage a trois of evil. I should've have known you never be able to keep that TINY DICK OF YOURS in your pants.
Maybe if I had shown you everything like you wanted then you would still be interested in me. But I'm not a whore like Moody. I'm not going to flash my goods to anyone with a camera. I won't do anything for attention. I guess this is my reward for being modest. Thanks for the lesson. NOT!!!
The most disappointing part of this is the fact that I had to hear about the whole affair from Wen Jiabao who heard it from Vladmir Putin who saw you with Moody behind the bleachers after the U.N. meeting. Too bad you're not man enough to tell me yourself (maybe it's because you have a TINY DICK!).
By the way, if you like facial hair so much, why don't you just admit you're gay?! Maybe you can shave each other (and I don't mean the way we did that one night in Seoul, you pig!). GREAT, NOW I'M CRYING!!!
You don't deserve my tears. You're the one who made the biggest mistake of your life, even if you're too stupid to recognize it! Yes, people think you're stupid and say so behind you're back all the time. Guess what? I won't be there to defend you anymore.
You deserve each other (and I mean that in a bad way)! You have someone you can dirty talk to and Moody can act like the slutty bad girl that you apparently think you want. By the way, she doesn't even know what BAD is and neither do you. But I'll show you. Just wait.
Does Moody even know about your dirty talk thing? If not, don't worry. I'll make sure EVERBODY knows about your filthy mouth as well as your TINY DICK!
No Longer Yours,
Kim
P.S. I want my Cure CD back! Bring it with you when you come to get your stupid "Official Bush Inspector" hat before someone in my family sees it.
P.P.S. Please, please, please call me back. I'll be waiting...