Daily Splatter: Hyatt Burp
Further proof that constant travel is turning me into a rigid, demanding a-hole.
6-3-06
Dear Chicago Hyatt Regency,
I am writing to express my extreme displeasure in your room service. Like most business travelers, I am willing to let you mercilessly gouge me in order to get a few precious extra minutes of sleep in the morning. However, you must, in turn, get my breakfast order right.
First of all, when I fill out your advance order form for a "Healthy Breakfast" for $9.95 plus $3.50 delivery charge and 20% mandatory gratuity, I expect to get the specified fruit plate, yogurt and bran muffin. I do not want two fat, greasy blueberry muffins, a bowl of strawberries and blueberries, and no yogurt. While technically I could return this for the correct meal, the whole fucking point was to order room service so I could sleep until the last possible minute. I do not have the time to make other arrangements and, like a prisoner or a married man, am forced to eat what you give me.
Second, if you are going to define an item as a "fruit plate" or "mixed fruit" - not to mention the giant fucking balls to charge me $9.95 for it - it needs to consist of more than one type of fruit. While you may argue that your "fruit plate" consisted of both strawberries and blueberries, to me blueberries are a fruit in the same way that my sister is a chick. Technically it is correct, but it is complete bastardization of the spirit of the word. Blueberries belong in pancakes. Otherwise they are a garnish and do not count as fruit.
Finally, you need to train your room service staff that you have built-in a mandatory gratuity charge on my bill. When I sign and hand over the bill, they should not ask me what I want to put on the gratuity line. It is built-in. It says so right there on the bill and twenty percent is quite sufficient.
In fact, why is there even a line for gratuity when it is already added in, if only to confuse us? I'm certain your bullshit position is that you want to give patrons the opportunity to reward exceptional service. But I ask, how can the task of knocking on my door and handing me a tray become exceptional? Unless my delivery person is a hot, topless chick (again, not my sister) or can tap out the meaning of life in Morse code on my door, then I don't get it.
In summary, let me just say that every time I see a blueberry I will think of how much I hate the Chicago Hyatt Regency.
Sincerely,
CBC
6-3-06
Dear Chicago Hyatt Regency,
I am writing to express my extreme displeasure in your room service. Like most business travelers, I am willing to let you mercilessly gouge me in order to get a few precious extra minutes of sleep in the morning. However, you must, in turn, get my breakfast order right.
First of all, when I fill out your advance order form for a "Healthy Breakfast" for $9.95 plus $3.50 delivery charge and 20% mandatory gratuity, I expect to get the specified fruit plate, yogurt and bran muffin. I do not want two fat, greasy blueberry muffins, a bowl of strawberries and blueberries, and no yogurt. While technically I could return this for the correct meal, the whole fucking point was to order room service so I could sleep until the last possible minute. I do not have the time to make other arrangements and, like a prisoner or a married man, am forced to eat what you give me.
Second, if you are going to define an item as a "fruit plate" or "mixed fruit" - not to mention the giant fucking balls to charge me $9.95 for it - it needs to consist of more than one type of fruit. While you may argue that your "fruit plate" consisted of both strawberries and blueberries, to me blueberries are a fruit in the same way that my sister is a chick. Technically it is correct, but it is complete bastardization of the spirit of the word. Blueberries belong in pancakes. Otherwise they are a garnish and do not count as fruit.
Finally, you need to train your room service staff that you have built-in a mandatory gratuity charge on my bill. When I sign and hand over the bill, they should not ask me what I want to put on the gratuity line. It is built-in. It says so right there on the bill and twenty percent is quite sufficient.
In fact, why is there even a line for gratuity when it is already added in, if only to confuse us? I'm certain your bullshit position is that you want to give patrons the opportunity to reward exceptional service. But I ask, how can the task of knocking on my door and handing me a tray become exceptional? Unless my delivery person is a hot, topless chick (again, not my sister) or can tap out the meaning of life in Morse code on my door, then I don't get it.
In summary, let me just say that every time I see a blueberry I will think of how much I hate the Chicago Hyatt Regency.
Sincerely,
CBC