Daily Splatter: Putting The Fun Back In Fungus
Despite the constant references, there is no such thing as normal. When Nerdy Squirrel says it's not normal for me to take three showers a day and I reply that it's not normal to leave an old toothbrush behind a bookcase for six months, we aren't really taking about some absolute normality. We are simply using a debating tactic to give weight to our preferences. Preferences with which we think, hope, or wish the vast majority of people would agree.
Knowing this, it seems a little absurd that I remain quite convinced that I am right about certain things. These are mostly matters of hygiene and courtesy, recognizing that the two are not mutually exclusive.
For example, I firmly believe that everyone should wash new clothes before wearing them. Having spent several years of my career touring sweatshops in Asia, I have watched first-hand as airplane hangers full of adolescent girls sew together brand name apparel. (Before you get too high and mighty, you should know that these jobs are highly-valued among the locals and provide for a far better life than the alternative - a much older profession). These are probably the cleanest pair of third world hands that have handled your shiny new clothes. You also have the fabric manufacturing and packaging workers, fabric cutting workers, final product packaging workers, and most frightful of all, the retail store employees. Don't forget all the open-sored mongols that tried that particular piece of clothing on before you. That's a lot of fucking people wearing your sexy new Victoria Secret brassiere. Maybe a quick wash wouldn't hurt, is all I'm saying.
Is our idea of normal what we think or what we do? I started thinking about this the other day when I was standing in the airport security line, wondering if I was a borderline hypochondriac.
First, let me say that I'm not going to complain about the fact that most of the airport security measures adopted after 9/11 are entirely useless. I completely understand the need to make people "feel safe," and I'm willing to hand over my nail clippers to do my part. I also don't mind the long lines, the bag searches, or the excessive pat downs.
What I do mind - in a massive aneurysm-kills-me-dead-on-the-spot kind of way - is the fact that I have to remove my shoes and walk a gauntlet of angry foot fungus that is festering with the residue of a thousand feet.
Still, everyone does it without question. Worse is the fact that I have to stand there in line and watch filthy cretin after filthy cretin remove their footwear and blaze this terrible trail of toe jam. By the time I get up there, I could swear that the floor tiles are actually moving.
But I don't protest. I don't scream about the biological terrorism happening right under our noses. I quietly remove my shoes and follow procedure, praying to God that I don't step on any sedimentary toenails that will surely break the skin, cause an infection and result in the loss of my leg just below the knee.
I'll freely admit I might be over the top on this one. Maybe I'm just one wooden airplane away from a life of hermetically sealed containers, cellophane wrap, and, as always, storing my urine in milk jugs.
At least when they perform a body cavity search, they use a sterile pair of rubber gloves.
Knowing this, it seems a little absurd that I remain quite convinced that I am right about certain things. These are mostly matters of hygiene and courtesy, recognizing that the two are not mutually exclusive.
For example, I firmly believe that everyone should wash new clothes before wearing them. Having spent several years of my career touring sweatshops in Asia, I have watched first-hand as airplane hangers full of adolescent girls sew together brand name apparel. (Before you get too high and mighty, you should know that these jobs are highly-valued among the locals and provide for a far better life than the alternative - a much older profession). These are probably the cleanest pair of third world hands that have handled your shiny new clothes. You also have the fabric manufacturing and packaging workers, fabric cutting workers, final product packaging workers, and most frightful of all, the retail store employees. Don't forget all the open-sored mongols that tried that particular piece of clothing on before you. That's a lot of fucking people wearing your sexy new Victoria Secret brassiere. Maybe a quick wash wouldn't hurt, is all I'm saying.
Is our idea of normal what we think or what we do? I started thinking about this the other day when I was standing in the airport security line, wondering if I was a borderline hypochondriac.
First, let me say that I'm not going to complain about the fact that most of the airport security measures adopted after 9/11 are entirely useless. I completely understand the need to make people "feel safe," and I'm willing to hand over my nail clippers to do my part. I also don't mind the long lines, the bag searches, or the excessive pat downs.
What I do mind - in a massive aneurysm-kills-me-dead-on-the-spot kind of way - is the fact that I have to remove my shoes and walk a gauntlet of angry foot fungus that is festering with the residue of a thousand feet.
Still, everyone does it without question. Worse is the fact that I have to stand there in line and watch filthy cretin after filthy cretin remove their footwear and blaze this terrible trail of toe jam. By the time I get up there, I could swear that the floor tiles are actually moving.
But I don't protest. I don't scream about the biological terrorism happening right under our noses. I quietly remove my shoes and follow procedure, praying to God that I don't step on any sedimentary toenails that will surely break the skin, cause an infection and result in the loss of my leg just below the knee.
I'll freely admit I might be over the top on this one. Maybe I'm just one wooden airplane away from a life of hermetically sealed containers, cellophane wrap, and, as always, storing my urine in milk jugs.
At least when they perform a body cavity search, they use a sterile pair of rubber gloves.
Comments
Great articles
Posted by: Adam | December 3, 2009 09:40 AM