News To Me: Master Celibate - Part 2
Excerpts from the Daily Planner on Pat Robertson's Celibate Cruise Lines Inaugural Alaskan Cruise on the Trinity
"Cel-i-bate, Good Times, Come On!"
TODAY'S PORT: At Sea
Enjoy a day of heavenly views and divine cuisine as we cruise through the single most important accomplishment of the Lincoln administration.
DAILY DRINK SPECIAL: Bottomless Cup of the Blood of Christ
ACTIVITIES: DAY 3
9:00AM - The Manger - Deck 7
Little Angel Programs for Kids begin. Today's activities include:
Is Mommy a Commie? - McCarthyism Made Fun
Gibberish or Speaking in Tongues - A Guessing Game
WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive - Draw the perfect car for our Lord and Savior and win a prize. No foreign cars will be accepted.
Ex-Box - Learn about the inherent evil of video games and fun alternatives. Please note that the prize for WWJD will not be awarded until after the Ex-Box session, so no leaving.
10:00AM - Poolside
The Reckoning
Have a blast passing judgment on your fellow passengers, but be careful, they might just pass judgment on you! Malachi, your Activities Director, hosts this exclusive activity. Bring sunscreen as the fun will last all afternoon.
2:00PM - C.S. Lewis Theater - Deck 4
Jackpot Bingo
Enjoy what the Catholics have been getting away with for years! You might even win a few dollars that you can then donate back to the on-board chapel.
4:00PM - Sports Deck
American Trivia
Join Malachi to learn if you're really as patriotic as you think you are. (Come prepared as the results will be forwarded to the National Security Agency.)
4:00PM - Last Supper Buffet - Deck 11
Last Supper Buffet Opens
Enjoy an early, pre-dinner meal or simply snack on some exclusive, homemade Vanilla Christ Cream or St. Peter's Saltpeter Taffy, a perfect treat for the teenagers.
5:00PM - Meeting Room B - Deck 8
Friends of Bill W.
6:00PM - Manna From Heaven Dining Hall - Deck 4
Captain's Dinner
Break bread with the captain of your ship (the real captain, not the almighty, allegorical one who will be present in spirit only). Dress is formal.
8:00PM - C.S. Lewis Theater - Deck 4
"In Spite of Themselves"
Enjoy the Trinity Song & Dance Troupe's renditions of our favorite wholesome show tunes. Don't worry, though, the Troupe is exclusively female, eliminating the risk of exposing your family to the mainstream homosexual agenda.
10:00PM - Last Supper Buffet - Deck 11
The "Midnight" Buffet
If obesity is truly a sin, God wouldn't have created chocolate! Feast on a variety of divine treats. The buffet begins promptly at 10:00PM, so you can arrive safely back in your cabin long before the witching hour. Meet Sandy from the Trinity Song and Dance Troupe who will also lead us in grace.
11:00 - All Decks
Lights Out
After a long day of activities, every passenger will need to rest up for a new day. Trinity's Sentry Force will be enforcing curfew, so no straggling!
"Cel-i-bate, Good Times, Come On!"
TODAY'S PORT: At Sea
Enjoy a day of heavenly views and divine cuisine as we cruise through the single most important accomplishment of the Lincoln administration.
DAILY DRINK SPECIAL: Bottomless Cup of the Blood of Christ
ACTIVITIES: DAY 3
9:00AM - The Manger - Deck 7
Little Angel Programs for Kids begin. Today's activities include:
Is Mommy a Commie? - McCarthyism Made Fun
Gibberish or Speaking in Tongues - A Guessing Game
WWJD: What Would Jesus Drive - Draw the perfect car for our Lord and Savior and win a prize. No foreign cars will be accepted.
Ex-Box - Learn about the inherent evil of video games and fun alternatives. Please note that the prize for WWJD will not be awarded until after the Ex-Box session, so no leaving.
10:00AM - Poolside
The Reckoning
Have a blast passing judgment on your fellow passengers, but be careful, they might just pass judgment on you! Malachi, your Activities Director, hosts this exclusive activity. Bring sunscreen as the fun will last all afternoon.
2:00PM - C.S. Lewis Theater - Deck 4
Jackpot Bingo
Enjoy what the Catholics have been getting away with for years! You might even win a few dollars that you can then donate back to the on-board chapel.
4:00PM - Sports Deck
American Trivia
Join Malachi to learn if you're really as patriotic as you think you are. (Come prepared as the results will be forwarded to the National Security Agency.)
4:00PM - Last Supper Buffet - Deck 11
Last Supper Buffet Opens
Enjoy an early, pre-dinner meal or simply snack on some exclusive, homemade Vanilla Christ Cream or St. Peter's Saltpeter Taffy, a perfect treat for the teenagers.
5:00PM - Meeting Room B - Deck 8
Friends of Bill W.
6:00PM - Manna From Heaven Dining Hall - Deck 4
Captain's Dinner
Break bread with the captain of your ship (the real captain, not the almighty, allegorical one who will be present in spirit only). Dress is formal.
8:00PM - C.S. Lewis Theater - Deck 4
"In Spite of Themselves"
Enjoy the Trinity Song & Dance Troupe's renditions of our favorite wholesome show tunes. Don't worry, though, the Troupe is exclusively female, eliminating the risk of exposing your family to the mainstream homosexual agenda.
10:00PM - Last Supper Buffet - Deck 11
The "Midnight" Buffet
If obesity is truly a sin, God wouldn't have created chocolate! Feast on a variety of divine treats. The buffet begins promptly at 10:00PM, so you can arrive safely back in your cabin long before the witching hour. Meet Sandy from the Trinity Song and Dance Troupe who will also lead us in grace.
11:00 - All Decks
Lights Out
After a long day of activities, every passenger will need to rest up for a new day. Trinity's Sentry Force will be enforcing curfew, so no straggling!