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FrivoList: Superheroes I Could Use

Since it is the rare occasion when an evil villain haphazardly hurls a city bus in my general direction, I began to think about the kinds of superheroes from whom I could actually get some practical benefit.  Please feel free to add your own.
 
Equity Man - Eliminates PMI payments from 30-year mortgages
 
The Siren - On nights before important meetings or early flights, she checks my alarm clock to be sure that it is set correctly so that I don't anxiously awake every hour on the hour to check myself.
 
Sergeant Fiber 
 
Wondering Woman - Sends me back in time to high school but I still get to know what I know now.
 
Website Password Remembering Boy
 
Captain Colonoscopy - Performs painless procedures and ensures healthy prostrates.
 
The Green Gardener - Has the ability to mow my lawn when I am out of town without burning it to the ground or blowing dead grass into the flowerbeds.
 
Supermarket Girl - Always asks me for my I.D. when I purchase alcohol, making me feel young...younger.

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Comments

Is there some kind of Equity Man flare or beacon I could flash into the night sky? I need him BADLY!!!

I talked to Equity Man and he said to refi with an 80/20 to get rid of PMI.

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