Throwing Poo

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a lot of bullshit theories about life that are usually based on some bastardization of Buddhism, existentialism and the pact that binds the Superfriends.  Anyway, here's one of them.

It seems to me that the smarter and safer we make things, the dumber people get.  I realized this a few years ago when I was visiting a friend in Caracas.

Walking down a street, we came upon an open grate in the sidewalk that went down into the sewer system.  No yellow tape, barricades, ominous warnings or public outrage, just a big fucking hole in the ground.   I was appalled.   I asked my companion - who, by the way, was not a young, hairless boy on the make - how the city could allow such a dangerous thing? 

Local: "It's a hole. Walk around it."

Me: "What if I wasn't paying attention and fell in?"

Local:  "You should pay attention to where you walk."

Me: "Yes, but what if I didn't?  What if I was blind?"

Local: "Blind people feel the ground with a cane.  You have eyes.  If you don't use them, it's your fault."

It then occurred to me that I don't pay attention because in America we don't HAVE to pay attention anymore.  It is someone else's responsibility to ensure that the sidewalk is safe (because if they don't, I'll sue their ass).   Like anything, the less I use these skills, the more they atrophy and, as a result, the dumber I get.

Sometimes this works in different ways.  As a result of my business travel, I end up driving many different types of cars.  When I pick up a rental, I don't take time to read the manual or familiarize myself with the various features (sunroofs excluded).  I turn the key, jam it in gear and get the fuck out of there in a big, big hurry.  I'll figure out the mirrors while speeding down an unfamiliar road, talking on my cell phone and reading a map.

Apparently some Pointdexter in a lab coat recently decided it would be a good feature if cars had their headlights and dome lights illuminate whenever you exit the car.  This is fine if you know your vehicle.  But for someone like me, it results in a 15 minute sideshow of getting in and out of the car trying to figure out if this is some sort of safety feature or if I just left the damn lights on.  While probably amusing for passersby, it makes me feel nothing but dumb.

By the way, leaving the lights on is something I now do regularly with MY OWN car, because the idiot bell to which I've grown accustomed (and which replaced my need to think about whether or not my lights were own) has since burned-out.

So, can we please just stop making things so goddamn smart (and me so dumb)?  Before we do, thought, how about a pair of pants with an automatic zipper?  Then we can stop.