Throwing Poo

I just put the finishing touches on a version of White Christmas as sung by Michael Richards.  However, I am way too much of a pussy to post it.  Last thing I need this holiday season is Al Sharpton jumping up and down on my balls.

So instead, here is an email I received from a friend of a friend.  Apparently it was supposed to be a confidential, girl-to-girl thing.  Fortunately for us, one friend had no problem throwing the other friend under the bus.  Sometimes women are from Mars, too.

(Editorial note: Curse words in the original email were censored.  I'll have none of that.)

Okay, so here's what happened a few days ago:
I'm at work, and it's the lunch hour, and an EMERGENCY bathroom trip is in order (damn all that fiber!).  Because it's the lunch hour, it's a good time to lay a stinker since everyone goes out for lunch.

I go into the empty (hallelujah!) bathroom, and proceed to unload.  Mere seconds into it, someone lumbers in -- sloooooowly -- and enters a stall.  And yeah, I've stunk up the place, but I'm now being quiet as a mouse, hoping this person does her bizness and leaves quickly.

Silence.  And then this from the other stall:

"You know, that COULD be a virus."

Uhhhhhhh...WTF???????????  EXCUSE ME??????  ARE YOU COMMENTING ON MY POOP?????
 
I'm seriously dumbfounded at this moment.  I don't say a word though, because what do you SAY to that?  I just sit there with my mouth open for about 20 seconds.

Then she says, "Yeah, well, call the doctor and be sure to call me back."

Stupid, motherfucking bee-otch is on the PHONE.  In the BATHROOM.  While she's on the CRAPPER.  While I'm trying to take a shit. 

So, he-llo?
I ripped a huge fart, just for her.  Hope her phone buddy heard it, too

Girls are stinky.