Throwing Poo

Introduction
Career vs. Careerism
Road To Hell

Welcome back to my now epic attempt to find a new career.  To quote the relentless Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride, "Let me s'plain. No, there is too much.  Let me sum up."

Here's what I've learned so far:  I hate my job. Time is short.  America: we're #1!  My career must have purpose.  I have no purpose.

So, the next step is to find purpose in my life. How hard can it be?  More importantly, how many times can I use the word "purpose" before it loses all meaning?

But first, please enjoy this lengthy digression.

Without wanting to step into the conversational tar pit that is the topic of religion, it is difficult to examine purpose without briefly addressing it.  Being a person of faith is like being the star football player in the classroom; you do not have to answer the hard questions.  "Why are we here?"  "What should I do with my life?"  "What does it all mean?"  "Should I sexually experiment with my male secretary?"   If you are a believer, the answers to these questions are already pre-packaged and ready-to-eat.   Religion is the Snack Pak Pudding of purpose-seekers. ("Excuse me, ma'am, you seem to have dribbled a little bit of Lutheranism on your blouse.")  I'm not saying religion is bad or good.  I'm thinking it, but I'm not saying it.  Let's just assume that, for this particular discussion, faith in a higher power is not a factor.   

Religion is not without accomplice in this regard.  In the mid-90's, I left a very lucrative (and getting lucrative-er by the day) position in the import/export business to pursue a career in non-profits.   The rationale behind my decision was that, because I was unhappy but didn't really know what I wanted to do, I should try to make the world a better place.  Like religion, this idealism offered me a ready-made solution to a complex puzzle.  All it took was having faith in myself that I could make a difference.

What an arrogant douche I was.  Am.  Fuck you.

The charitable world stands on sugary phrases like "make a difference," "positive change," and "make the world a better place" as if they are tangibles.  Having once willingly consumed these chocolate-covered notions, they have now come out the other end as ideological crap. 

Despite the best of intentions, I do not believe that anyone can make the world a better place.  Except maybe sexy celeb George Clooney when he flashes that million dollar smile.

See what I mean?  I feel better already.

One reason is that it is impossible to define what "better" means.  I can work diligently to make life easier, longer, and/or more convenient for other person.  But better?  To say that assumes: 1) I know how the person affected by my action determines his/her quality of life; 2) that person has thoroughly examined his/herself (intellectually or philosophically examine, that is.  I'm fairly certain most of you have ample experience examining yourselves physically.  Creeps.); and 3) I have clearly identified the effect and, more importantly, the ripple effect of my actions.

With the exception of cable television, what is better for one is not necessarily better for another.  To assume you know what is best for everyone makes you an ethnocentric, condescending buttinski (or my mother-in-law). 

Most importantly, though, is that you can never know the total consequences of your action or inaction.  Before the Butterfly Effect became the crappy attempt to legitimize Ashton Kutcher's career, it was a really cool concept.  Like sun-dried tomatoes, it got overused and discarded as passé.  Too bad. I really liked sun-dried tomatoes.

For example, I work with an incurable disease that kills its victims within a couple of years.  It is a horrible affliction that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy (that's not really true, but I didn't want to skimp on the clichés this week).  Yet many of the individuals who are diagnosed with the disease and their families go through a transformation that I would subjectively characterize as positive and life changing.  If I were completely presumptuous...and I am... I might even go as far to say that their lives became more meaningful.  So, would the world be a better place without this disease?  It's impossible to say.

Another example of is antibiotics. They are great for treating, oh, I don't know, let's say a nagging case of syphilis.  Maybe it's your third or fourth in the past couple of years.  You just have a knack for picking the wrong public toilet seat.  Whatever.  The point is, the use of antibiotics has inadvertently advanced the strains of the diseases it is/was used to cure.   Antibiotics may be great for your drippy dick today, but what about the super syphilis of tomorrow that they help to create?  Will life be better for future sexual deviants?

Anyway, all of this is not to say people shouldn't have good intentions.  And it is not to say that we shouldn't at least try.  But given what I believe, it would be irrational to seek purpose in attempting to help others when it is impossible determine whether or not the world will ultimately be better or worse for it.

Of course, I will miss some of the perks of working for a charity.  For one, being able to throw my career choice in someone's face when I wanted to feel superior or win an argument.  It was like having a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card for assholes.

Next week:  Finding Happiness OR Mr. Right vs. Mr. Right Now