Water Blogged
When it rains, it pours. It pours right on through my roof, soaking the second story window cripple studs and dripping down into the first floor porch.
Not more than a week ago, I informed Nerdy Squirrel, Esq. that in a few short months, we would have our roof loan paid off. Three years ago we paid a small fortune to have our old, four-layer roof completely torn off and a new one put on - a brand new, 30-year roof that we had to borrow money to afford.
Now it is leaking and someone must die.
I called the company and they are sending someone over to look at it. However, I can tell you right now how this is going to turn out:
The roof guy blames the window guy.
The window guy blames the roof guy.
They both blame the gutter guy (who deserves it because he's a bottom-feeding scumbag with poor hygiene).
The gutter guy blames Al Qaeda.
Everybody tries to sell me something.
I borrow more money to pay for roof/window/gutter repairs.
Nerdy Squirrel, Esq. divorces me for shoddy home maintenance and financial mismanagement.
I turn to drugs and cheap hookers for solace (well, I turn more often).
Everything is lost.
I end up living in a cardboard box...that leaks.
Other than that, my day sucked.
Comments
Hey, just throw an old trashbag over the cardboard box and it won't leak. I can't help with the other stuff though.
Posted by: anoymouscoworker | December 1, 2006 11:00 AM
Hey CBC, this is Cleveland, just tack that garbage bag or a big blue tarp on your roof. I've seen people get by with that trick for months.
Posted by: DaMonkeyCode | December 1, 2006 12:08 PM
Don't just "tack" the tarp on...make sure to use 4 inch non-galvinized nails. That way you can target exactly where you want your roof to leak. Want some fresh rainwater, full of iron, to wash your hair? Done and done.
Posted by: DD | December 1, 2006 01:07 PM
Oh, and while you're at it, you may as well duct-tape plastic to your windows.
Posted by: DD | December 1, 2006 01:09 PM
I learn so much here! I say go whole hog and just duct tape the roof--directly! No tarp!
Posted by: NuggetMaven | December 1, 2006 02:59 PM
I hope none of you ever move into my neighborhood. Check that. I hope none of you ever park your homes in my neighborhood.
Posted by: Crunchy BC | December 1, 2006 03:34 PM
I've heard of this, actually. In some rare cases, when person thinks they've done everything necessary to rid themselves of a bad case of crabs--you know, they've used the crab shampoo, washed the sheets, etc.--it turns out the crabs haven't really gone away at all, but mutated into a kind of termite that then devours house and home. Sorry this happened to you, but that's what you get for sleeping with prostitutes.
Posted by: Karla | December 1, 2006 09:23 PM
Watch what you say CBC for all you know I may live in your neighborhood. My lovely head of household does work for a big area non profit. Don't worry though she has the same feelings on her job as you do.
PS our home may not be mobile but we did just spend some quality time drinking at a place called the Loco Leprechaun the
Irish Cantina, I love crap places like that.
PPS, head of Household who did her graduate paper on Charles Bukowski is still trying to figure out what donkey punching is. Please help.
Posted by: DaMonkeyCode | December 1, 2006 10:34 PM
OK, she finally found it, on Wikipedia of all places. Wish I had found it first though. Head of Household would never have seen that punch to the back of the head coming.
Posted by: daMonkeyCode | December 1, 2006 11:21 PM
KARLA: Nice try. Unfortunately syphillis killed my crabs a long ime ago. I'll tell you, though, there is nothing funnier than a bunch of blind parasites bumping into each other and tripping over pubes. Funny, but tragic. Sometimes I really miss those guys.
DMC: BTW, the Mini Mart across from Hollywood Video on Detroit in Lakewood has a great selection of imported beers.
Posted by: Crunchy BC | December 2, 2006 10:01 AM