Throwing Poo

Thank you for participating in my Anniversary Week Special.  We're all a little tired (I haven't publicly jerked off this much since summer camp), so let's end this week with a final Q& A session.  A special thanks goes out to all those fine folks who submitted questions.

Q: What's your favorite restroom at Hopkins for those emergency dumps? Posted by: DaMonkeyCode. 
A:  "Emergency dumps?" You make it sound so unpleasant.  A savvy traveler builds time into his/her itinerary to leisurely perform this most personal of activities.  That said, the "D" Concourse, north end.  Not in the restroom, but behind the Continental Service Counter.  It's a little hectic and the screaming can be distracting, but overall it is extremely gratifying.

Q:  Which Great Lakes Brewery beer gives you the worst gas? Mine is Burning River, suprisingly. Posted by: DaMonkeyCode. 
A:  Elliot Ness Ale.  It gives me the kind of farts that can kill a small child.  Elliot's revenge, I suppose, for drinking beer named after the man who risked his life fighting bootleggers during prohibition.

Q: Why doesn't Nerdy Squirrel, Esq. correct your grammar anymore? Or mine for that matter.
Posted by: DaMonkeyCode. 
A:   I can no longer afford her rates.  Fortunately for me, though, she can't bill for anything under five minutes, so the sex is still free.

Q:  When are you visiting Texas again so that I can prove to everyone that you aren't my "imaginary friend"? Posted by: buckkel
A:  I've never been to Texas in my life.  And please, I'm begging you, leave me and my family alone.

Q:  And how many more years will pass before you take a year-long sabbatical and write full-time just to see what the hell might come of it? (Yes, you will have to do all the cooking and cleaning because Nerdy Squirrel will be busting her ass so that you can live the dream.)
Posted by: buckkel
A:  I hope to have an answer for this question in the next couple of weeks.  Regarding the second part, I already do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work and home maintenance.  Stupid me, I blew my wad by taking on all the domestic chores when N.S. went back to school - two weeks after our honeymoon.  After three and a half years, she now thinks this is the natural order of things.  I've got nothing left to trade unless I take one of the cats hostage. 

Q:   I made my own birthday cake once. Have you ever done anything equally pathetic?
Posted by: Robin
A:   I think that is just being practical.  Now, if you lit the candles, sang "Happy Birthday To Me," blew them out while clapping your hands, grabbed a fork and started eating directly from the cake plate, washed it down with Wild Turkey, did some drunken dialing, and passed out on the couch with frosting all over your hands and mouth (and the phone), then it might be considered pathetic. 
 
Back to your question.  At the risk of sending Nerdy Squirrel, Esq. on a weekend-long guilt trip, I had to plan, prepare and host my own 40th birthday party all by my sad little lonesome. 

Also, since you were kind enough to share, allow me to throw in a little doozy that I've never told anyone.

During sixth grade, I was growing very anxious over the fact that I hadn't bloomed yet.  At one point, I decided to begin stuffing wadded paper into my pants in order to expand my horizon.  I guess I thought it was the equivalent of a girl stuffing her bra, which was the big joke at that age. 

Anyway, I only did it for a few weeks, probably because it was physically very uncomfortable (the mental discomfort came later and lasted much longer).  What's worse is that, at the time, it never occurred to me how my sudden inflation might be perceived, not to mention all the fidgety adjusting that followed. 

It has, however, occurred to me every day since. 

Q:  Are Cleveland Steamers really the top export of your region? Posted by: tfg
A:  Indeed.  You might want to catch our segment on "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Rowe. The processing is easy, but the packaging gets a little tricky.  And, during the holidays, quality control can be a bit of an issue.  Fruitcakes and whatnot.

It really should be the name of a minor league baseball team, though, you know?

"Now batting for the Cleveland Steamers, number 2, Pinch Aloafoff."