Throwing Poo

Last week Nerdy Squirrel, Esq.’s co-clerk and her father went to Vietnam to visit her sister for the holidays.  Whether her sister is a missionary, a POW, a lethal CIA agent posing as a communist, or playing the doomed love-interest in Rambo V is unknown to me. 

In any case, N.S. shared with me an email her co-clerk received from her sister prior to leaving.   I’m sharing it with you because 1) it is interesting and funny, 2) it totally captures my experience in Asia in the 90's, and 3) her co-clerk is in Vietnam and can’t stop me from doing so, and will likely not return alive anyway due to bird flu or mistakenly approaching a smiling little Vietnamese girl who has a bomb strapped to her chest.  Oh, and lastly, because then I don’t have to write anything.

Enjoy.

Dear Dad and (co-clerk's name),

Here are some things about Vietnamese culture/lifestyle that you should be aware of before you arrive, just so you don't get confused/horrified/angry.

Here they don't use "please" and rarely use "thank you". They don't tip in restaurants (but I'll tell you about traffic
and eating habits when you arrive).

They serve unsweetened iced (green) tea with EVERYTHING.

They add HEAPING tablespoons of sugar to almost all beverages(except ice tea), regardless of whether or not it's been pre-sweetened. I know what to say to avoid this, don't worry.

They eat their fruit with salt and chillies.

There is often meat in tofu dishes (not at vegetarian places, obviously! Although they have loads of fake meat.)  And they serve shrimp paste with fried tofu.  We'll watch out for this, don't
worry, (co-clerk's name).

Picking one's nose in public is a national pastime.  Ditto for ears and teeth.

Public urination is normal.

Not washing one's hands after going to the bathroom is normal.

They don't really use toilet paper either (they have hoses and drains, thanks to the French, I'm guessing) and squatting is pretty
 standard.

Janitors of the opposite sex occassionally clean the bathroom while you're in there.

Littering is acceptable because trash collectors are always clearing it away (there are 3 trash cans in the whole country, I think).
     
People eat out of the trash (including the janitors at my language center!).

It's normal and acceptable to push or even elbow people if they are in your way.

Standing in line is literally a foreign concept to them.

Smacking kids/each other is completely normal.

People don't hug face to face, but putting their arms around each other is okay.

People hold hands with their same sex friends, but not with their husbands/wives or boyfriends/girlfriends (this is changing).

Women wearing sheer clothing is completely acceptable, even in formalsituations (think white shirt with a black bra or even an open back shirt with a bra).  It's showing your shoulders that is considered sexy and risque in some cases.

Carting around live animals in teeny tiny cages (whether to be sold as pets or meat...or both!) is common.

Selling raw meat on the street is normal...sometimes directly on the street. (But it doesn't smell because they keep it fresh!)

Blatant staring/pointing and laughing at people is also standard.

Aren't you excited?  :)  I'll email you with more if it comes to me.

Love,
(sister)